How To Heal Your Heart

by Carna Zacharias

We all experience severe heart break at some time in our lives. For many it happens in childhood or adolescence, the time when we are most vulnerable. A cold mother, an absent father, being different in any way from our peers and ostracized for it – these are some of the reasons for the early feeling that something is wrong, inadequate and utterly disappointing about us. For others, it happens later, when a spouse betrays our love and trust, a child is hurt, or our dream of making it big in the world is shattered.

It happens -sooner or later- to everybody, yet strangely enough, we tend to believe that other people have heaps of money, great careers, excellent health, and are blessed with devoted spouses and perfect children. Even if common sense tells us that this isn’t true, we behave as if it were. We hide behind our painted faces and empty phrases, as if our wounded heart was a rare, shameful thing that had to be hidden at all costs. Even if we are the light of every party, our real self never shows up. We withdraw and disconnect while telling pretty lies in appearance, word and deed. Thus our hearts shrink and harden, and we live lonesome, inauthentic lives deep within the fortress we have built from pride and fear.

From this point on, two things can happen: either we become depressed or cynical enough to believe that staying in this barren place and turning into dust is our only option, or we listen to the cries of our exiled hearts and become seekers. If you belonged to the first group, you would not be reading this book. So let’s start the search for our true selves. In the following imaginative exercise, you will begin to restore the lost connection to your heart. You may feel some resistance reading these words. Won’t this lead to an emotional breakdown, or to an eruption of pain and anger? It depends on your intention.

If you want to explore your childhood or other severe emotional trauma, there are medical and psychological professionals who are trained to guide you through that sensitive process.

What we want to achieve here is to find and free our spiritual hearts. There is the heart, and there is the true heart. There is our “pink” heart, and there is our “golden” heart. There is our low heart, and there is our high heart.

Qualities of the low heart: Passion, Extremes, Volatility, Attachment, Emotion.

Qualities of the high heart: Compassion, Balance, Patience, Unity, Spirit, Soul.

Again, our intention is to connect to the high, the spiritual heart. This may happen instantly, at the first try. If it does, it is a profound, awe-inspiring experience, and you will recognize the level of truth instantly. You will realize that there is, behind your physically sick or emotionally broken heart, a heart that is completely whole and strong and wise. However, establishing this pathway could be a much longer process. You might connect to “pieces” of your heart at a time. Perhaps you will first experience an acute awareness of your heart’s imprisonment, or your inner space may remain silent for a while. Take it easy. Whatever happens is just the right thing to happen for you at this point.

Exercise: Listen To Your Heart

Sit or lie down comfortably, making sure you will not be disturbed. Close your eyes. Breathe. Relax. If relaxation does not come easily to you, visualize a thick, golden liquid pooling in your head. Slowly, slowly, like molasses, it flows down into your whole body, making it slack and heavy.

When you feel relaxed, shift your attention to your chest. Imagine breathing through your chest. In-out. In-out. In-out. Do this as long as you want to. When you are ready, focus your attention gently on your heart.

Your high heart, your true heart, your spiritual heart.

Now, and possibly for the first time, greet your true heart. Express your gratitude for its continuous, life giving service, its protection and guidance.

When you have established a connection, you might want to ask questions. Then be quiet and listen.

Listen to the voice of your heart. This voice might express itself in words, in feelings, in images, in sounds, or just as a “knowing”. Learning to recognize the unique voice of your heart may take time, so relax if you can’t “get it right” at first.

About The Author

Carna Zacharias was born in Germany, where more than ten books written by her have been published: novels, young-adult books, and non-fiction. In addition she worked as a literary critic at a daily newspaper, as a book editor, and for public television. After studying literature and philosophy at the university, she has been exploring Jungian psychology, mythology, fairy tales, Shamanism and other spiritual topics for years.

CarnaZM@msn.com

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Using our Relationship for Personal Growth

by Chuck Schmitt

Relationships are a key element in most people’s lives. As John Donne stated so poignantly in the late 1500’s: “No man is an island.” These words still hold true today. Thus far, however, most people have not learned how to have successful relationships and still feel complete within themselves. Relationships are challenging because they involve two distinct individuals with varying needs, desires, and opinions. When the needs and desires of the individuals do not match, there are usually disagreements, disappointments, and disillusionment. It is during these times that we question our relationships and wonder if we would be better off alone. What then can be done to create a more satisfying relationship?

With conscious intention and effort, we can use our relationships to heal and transform our lives. This new paradigm, or model, for relationships consists of three steps: 1) taking responsibility for our actions and reactions; 2) experiencing our feelings deeply; and 3) expressing ourselves clearly and honestly to our partner while having equal empathy for our partner’s feelings. When we learn to do this, our relationships can reach a deeper level of understanding and become a vehicle for our personal growth and fulfillment.

The first step in the new paradigm, taking responsibility for our actions and reactions, can be an unfamiliar and sometimes frightening experience. It involves looking at how we are contributing to or creating the disturbing situation, instead of automatically blaming our partner for the misunderstanding. When we are able to let down our defenses and accept responsibility, both parties breathe a sigh of relief and the door to honest communication opens. For many people, the risk of taking responsibility for their actions and reactions is the hardest part of working on relationships. Men may feel like they are losing power or abdicating their throne. Women may feel like they are giving in or being weak and submissive. In both cases, it usually feels like some type of loss, either of personal power or of a part of ourselves. Although difficult at first, this step can lead to a much greater understanding of our reactive patterns of behavior and can accelerate our personal growth dramatically.

The second step in this model is experiencing our feelings deeply. This step involves removing ourselves from the immediate situation and taking a deep breath in order to reflect on what is happening inside of us. We may become aware of certain bodily sensations such as tightness in the throat, chest or stomach area. Emotions such as sadness, hurt, or anger might surface. Thoughts or memories may come into our awareness. Learning to focus inwardly will take practice since many of us have spent very little time focusing on ourselves and how we actually feel. As with all the steps of this new paradigm, we must be patient with ourselves and appreciate each little step we take.

Feeling deeply can also prove to be challenging because our present feelings are often influenced by what has gone on in our past. For instance, if we have had a relationship in the past that left us feeling criticized or unlovable, chances are good that our new relationship will also bring up those feelings. Love tends to bring to the surface any past hurts that need to be healed. This is one reason the new paradigm for relationships is so powerful. Instead of blindly repeating old ways of being, we can use our relationships to work on ourselves – to notice the patterns of thought and behavior that we continually relive and begin to explore them within the safety of the relationship. The key is to take the time to remove ourselves from the situation and feel what is actually going on inside. This gives us time to calmly reflect so we can act instead of react.

The third step of this new model is expressing ourselves clearly and honestly to our partner while having equal empathy, or appreciation, for our partner’s feelings. This step involves telling our partner the truth about how we feel. It is important to avoid the tendency to fall back on old patterns of relating such as making our partner wrong, going numb, playing out dramas based on old hurts, or entering into power struggles. To communicate clearly we need to go beyond blame and judgment and tell the truth about our experience. We need to make the decision that being happy in our relationship is more important than being right. The only way to do this is to be totally honest with ourselves and our partner.

Equally important in this third step is having empathy for our partner’s feelings. This includes allowing our partner the opportunity to express how they feel and then making an honest attempt to understand them. In other words, we need to put ourselves in their place and experience what they are feeling. This type of exchange is the beginning of authentic communication and the birth of an entirely new type of relationship. Both parties will begin to feel empowered and loved. As a couple reaches greater depths of feeling and understanding, their strength grows in all areas of their lives.

Practicing the three steps of the new paradigm – taking responsibility for our actions and reactions, experiencing our feelings deeply, and expressing ourselves completely – will result in an enormous shift in our relationships, both with our partner and out in the world. Our communication will be clearer and more honest, we will gain greater respect for ourselves and others, and we will experience a greater sense of personal power, love, and joy in our lives.

Copyright © 2001 the Relationship Specialists, Inc. All rights reserved.

Great relationships don’t happen by accident. Learn the secrets to having successful one. Marilyn Hough and Chuck Schmitt, the Relationship Specialists, are licensed Marriage and Family therapists in the Portland, Oregon area. Visit their website athttp://www.relationshipspecialists.com for tools and tips on how to improve your relationships. You can also sign up for free bi-monthly relationship hints.

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Demystifying the Soul Mate Relationship

by Dorothy Thompson

Spiritual Healing and Divine GuidanceIn the dictionary, “soul mate” means one of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view or sensitivity; someone for whom you have a deep affinity. This explains the basic qualities, but we all know the soul mate theory goes much deeper than that.

According to Celtic wisdom, our souls begin their journey together as one being that becomes broken apart. Two souls emerge and move on into their life journeys. Perhaps we find our twin soul in this life. Maybe we find it in another life. Throughout time, we seek to rejoin our anam cara, the Celtic word for “soul friend”, a soul mate who was created as our perfect match.

In order for our soul mate to appear we must be ready for them. You will not meet your soul mate if you are still coming from a place of fear or jealousy in relationships. You couldn’t run before you could walk, and you won’t meet your soul mate before you are ready to learn what she/he has to teach you. In order to find our soul mate, we must be emotionally secure and know what we want from life.

Three Kinds Of Soul MatesDid you know there are three main kinds of soul mates? They are: Karmic, Companion and Twin Flames. Study the different kinds and discover which category your soul mate falls under. This will give you a broader understanding of why he or she has come into your life. To help you, I will explain the differences.

Karmic Soul MateThe karmic soul mate experience is very common. You can have many of these in a lifetime. They enter your life to teach you an important lesson. Karmic soul mates can be co-workers, family members or close friends. One young woman particularly close to me comes to mind. Her name is Amanda Jane, and she is about twenty years my junior. She jokes that I must be her mother from another life. What makes our friendship special is that we touch on a spiritual level.

I often wonder why Amanda was brought into my life. We are very close, but what lesson am I to learn from her? To enjoy life again? Amanda comes from a dysfunctional family. Am I here to teach her a lesson? Am I to show her that she is loved and cherished? It can and does work both ways.

Sometimes karmic soul mate relationships can be romantic in nature; but if so, they won’t last long. That is because these relationships are solely meant for learning lessons and for growth rather than for obtaining a life partner.

Another thing we must keep in mind is that not all karmic relationships are human. Sometimes, pets we consider to be special members of our family can display the same karmic characteristics as humans. An example of this is Avis Townsend’s story “Back With Eli” in the karmic section of the book. Ms. Townsend’s story shows there are special relationships we can have with our pets to the point where the bond between pet and human becomes so deep it’s hard to dismiss it as anything other than the true karmic soul mate relationship.

Another point to remember about karmic soul mates, as well as other kinds of soul mates, is that each one, whether human or animal, comes into our lives for a reason and to teach us a lesson about ourselves.

Companion Soul MateA companion soul mate relationship can be a relationship that is romantic in nature. It involves your wife/husband or someone you are intimate with. Oftentimes, these soul mates are not destined to be with us forever but, like Karmic soul mates, are brought into our lives for a purpose.

It is possible to spend a lifetime with your companion soul mate if you haven’t met your twin soul. However, when the twin soul is found, the companion soul mate relationship could suffer. When this happens, the companion soul mate relationship is generally short-lived or, if it continues, a non-satisfying one. However, this is no reason to jump ship when it happens. Remember, there is a reason your companion soul mate is in your life (for example, so you can raise children together).

When your twin soul comes into your life and you are in a companion soul mate relationship, it is important that you take things slowly. It may be that the companion soul mate relationship will come to an end–or it may not. One thing you must keep in mind is that ending an existing relationship solely because one feels one has found one’s twin soul is never a good idea, because over time you will realize that both associations are meant to be and both have an important role in your life.

An interesting aspect of the companion soul mate relationship is that we put more of our energies into it. The karmic soul mate relationship tends to go at an easy pace, without much effort from either partner, as it does with twin souls. The companion soul mate bond requires more work on our parts to sustain a healthy, loving atmosphere.

Twin FlamesThis is the highest form of soul mate connection. Your twin soul is your other half; to find your twin soul is like finding yourself. We go through our life searching and searching, and what we don’t realize is that we are looking for someone just like us. Sometimes, we find them in this life and, other times, in other lives.

I believe they are always around, but for some reason it is not apparent. Perhaps we close our eyes to them. We don’t listen and observe. We go through life at such a hectic pace we don’t stop and take in things that would otherwise be apparent, so the presence of a soul mate could hit us flat in the face and we wouldn’t even know it. This is sad, because we have missed that one, rare opportunity for total bliss and happiness.

Excerpted from the bestseller Romancing the Soul – True Stories of Soul Mates from Around the World and Beyond Publisher: Zumaya Publications ISBN: 1-55410-095-X Binding: Trade Paper 350 page

© Dorothy Thompson

Author, relationship coach and soul mate expert Dorothy Thompson is one of the nation’s leading authorities on soul mates. Her book ROMANCING THE SOUL and e-books HOW TO FIND AND KEEP YOUR SOUL MATE and 101 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT SOUL MATES are three of the most comprehensive guides to explaining what soul mates are really all about. Dorothy’s relationship columns have appeared in publications in the U.S. and abroad and has been quoted in such books as “Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees” by Cheryl Dellasega. She is a popular radio media guest, appearing on such shows as Lifetime Radio, Single Talk (World Talk Radio), Around2It, and Cuzin Eddie Show with Penny Sansevieri and 850 KOA-AM (Clear Channel Radio with listeners in 38 states, Canada and Mexico) and other media outlets. To receive your FREE EBOOK “101 Things You Never Knew About Soul Mates” or to sign up for her newsletter to receive the free report “Ten Tips in Identifying Your Soul Mate, visit http://www.soulmatequeen.com or http://www.dorothythompson.net.

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What Is A Spiritual Relationship?

What is a spiritual relationship?

Have you found your soulmate?
by Regina Schwartz

A Spiritual Relationship is when the two or more parties involved experience harmony, joy, understanding and peace. With a spiritual relationship the persons involved are connected at the heart. Emotionally they sense the deep connection they have together, and it is felt at their core or heart. A spiritual relationship is one that has a spiritual union felt both physically, mentally and at other levels. Both parties feel like their spirits are connected. There are certain people we connect to instantly. These are people to whom we have karmic connections. The same holds true for people we can’t stand immediately. We have a karmic connection with them as well. Both of those types of relationships are spiritual because our spirit as or essence either is attracted or repelled beyond our conscious control.

A soul mate is another spiritual relationship that many folk encounter in a lifetime. With a soul mate there is a karmic connection that can span several lifetimes or incarnations. We can have more than one soul mate and they can be incarnation with us in a lifetime or serve as a spirit guide if they are not incarnated in our lifetime. Soul mates have shared many experiences with us and know us inside out. This kind of spiritual relationship can be very deep and stir both positive and negative emotions out of us. Just because someone is a soul mate does not make him or her always peaches and cream with us.


For the most part, a spiritual relationship has a lesson for us to learn. They give us the tools to develop characteristics and qualities that we need as human beings. Spiritual Relationships can also be identified with the patterns we pick in relationships. Issues of abuse, abandonment, love, manipulation, power struggles, intimacy and rejection all fall under the category of karma and spiritual relationships. These situations all teach us a lesson or two. The trick is do we really learn from these types of experiences or ignore the lesson. This is particularly true when one partner executes power over the other as a dominating person over a dependant person. The karmic lesson is the struggle that ensues as the dependant person struggles to regain the independence and get their power back.

Sometimes we become spiritually stuck and cannot evolve in a relationship. These are not spiritual relationships. These types of relationships hold us there not allowing for growth or other experiences. It is true that being a victim, martyr, persecutor, rescuer or love addict may have a karmic lesson but in this case the spiritual lesson is learning how to let go.

In conclusion a true spiritual relationship is one where both parties feel wholeness and complete together. It is the harmonization of male and female energy, which creates freedom within the relationship to accept each other unconditionally without hidden agendas. In a true spiritual relationship one know how to give or take without being asked and to meet the other parties needs without question.

Regina Schwartz has been involved with metaphysical practices through her great grandmother since the age of Nine years old. She is a polished medium and reader. She has had her own psychic phone line since 1998. Her site is a must for information on Psychics, Readings, Mediums and Spiritualists. Visit it at: psychic information. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Regina_Schwartz
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Building Great Soulmate Relationships

by Anita Rossow

Building great soulmate relationships in life takes time and commitment. If you choose to spend time and you choose to commit you WILL most certainly build a relationship that will bring you joy and contentment. Some keys to building great relationships include:

Connect with the one that you love
Make time to remind your soulmate that they are special. Write them a note, send an email, sms or phone them during the day at work. Do something that you know will be meaningful to your partner. Make sure your efforts don’t go to waste; connect with them keeping their love language in mind. Be intentional about making a daily connection in the middle of your busy life.

Plan your time
The old saying ‘fail to plan and you will plan to fail’ is so true when it comes to soulmate relationships. Planning your time is of utmost importance in building great soulmate relationships. The average couple is so busy with work, catching up with friends and other responsibilities that sometimes in an established relationship you can fail to plan to spend time together. Check your calendars each week and make note of time when you will be together. Be intentional about spending casual social time together and also about spending quality time building into your soulmate relationship. A regular ‘date night’ is a great idea.

Be protective of your soulmate relationship
At times healthy jealousy is a must in relationships. If you are not going to protect your soulmate relationship, who will? Don’t allow yourself to be in situations that compromise the integrity of your relationship with your partner. Always remember that soulmate relationships can last forever – make sure that the emotional needs of your partner are being met. Don’t take each other for granted. Your relationship is important.

Don’t forget the special occasions!
Use your diary or the reminder function in your mobile phone; make a note of birthdays, anniversaries and special events. Talk about important events and make sure that both partners’ expectations are equal. Unnecessary tension can result in a relationship due to unmet expectations. If you would like to go away for your anniversary make sure that your partner knows! They are not mind readers. It may seem to take the spontaneity and romance out of it all but in the long run your soulmate relationship will be stronger as a result of discussing such issues.

Introduce surprise to your relationship
Assuming your partner likes surprises, and you have time, there are many ways you can surprise them. Organise with their boss that they will take an extended lunch break and take them out to lunch, send flowers, a card, chocolates- the options are endless and can really add spice to your life together. Interrupt the mundane with a surprise and you’ll be amazed at what it does for your soulmate relationship.

Get away with your friends
If you are in a steady relationship make sure that you haven’t become exclusive with your partner and in the process lost all of your friends! This is a common mistake that couples make when entering into a relationship. At the start everything is new and very exciting and before you know it you have neglected the old friend that you have had since high school. Friendships are important and it is healthy to have mutual friends and for each person to have their own friends in a relationship. It brings diversity and spending time apart only makes the heart grow fonder!

Become a student of your partner
If you are in a relationship you need to become a full-time student of your partner. Make it your mission to learn everything there is to know about them. Their likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, how they relate to others, how they feel most loved. When you take the focus off yourself and your needs and focus on your partner you will discover that you are in the process of building a great relationship. As you focus on your partner they will become more focused on you- it is always better to give than to receive!

Anita Rossow has a Bachelor Degree in Education and is passionate about seeing and helping people grow in all areas of their lives. See her homepage athttp://www.soulmatediscovery.com. If you would like to find out more about love languages and finding your Soulmate visit: Soulmate

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